Where I've Been...

As you may have noticed, there hasn't been any posts on this blog for a while.

Back in April, I started a new job and I knew it meant I couldn't spend as much time on my blog but I became very disorganised and unfocused and it was mainly because I really wanted to get on with this new job and show them that I can do it well. The blog had to take a step back for a bit and I decided that when I did post I'd try something new. I was just grasping a good balance in managing my time and getting some ideas up and running when a Colitis flare up came out of nowhere.

If you wasn't aware, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis over a year ago there is a post about it here; but it essentially means I was going to the bathroom 12+ times a day, I was having a lot of abdominal pains/cramps and the colitis was winning, I became housebound again only (barely) leaving to go to doctors & consultation appointments.

At the moment my current treatment isn't working; I take 6 Octasa, 2 Azathioprine and 1 Pentasa a day and after another colonoscopy back in May and an appointment with my consultant it was determined that the majority of my colitis is active in the last 10 cm of my colon. I will now have to move onto Biologics to tackle the inflammation and to do this it needs to be injected into my stomach... so not looking forward to it at all.

I have spoken before about what I have learnt from having Ulcerative Colitis in my year update but I have never had a flare like this and it's made me realise a lot more about who I can count on, what my lowest point can be and how much stress and anxiety plays into it.

It has really knocked me down and I've had to make some big decisions involving work. I became very emotional and stressed about having an income, I've left jobs and been let go before due to my illness and although that was for a short period of time it was very hard for me. I really hate not having a job, the longest I've been unemployed for is four months and that's since I started working at 16. It's very hard for me to admit defeat and I have thought about giving up and letting it win because it is depressing to know my life is a lot different from how I wanted it to be. I never imagined having an illness or that it would disturb me having a job, a social life or a relationship. I am keeping everything crossed that the new medication will work and that I can possibly have some normality back in my life soon and to start getting that back I want to really try and put into this space.

But with everything that's happening it did make me think, not only do I need to become a lot more organised but I needed to decide what I really want from this blog space because I feel like I can create something or talk about something that isn't necessarily content I set out to share and it being very out of place. I was on the fence of having another blog but to be honest I'm thinking why can't it all be on one blog?

Recently I had been sharing and uploading Marvel based content under a series called Marvel 101 which for now I will be putting on hold. It will be picked up again in the future, I just wasn't happy with what I had produced and if you've seen the posts you'd know they'd been re-written many times. 

So what will I be posting in the future? Anything & Everything! I'm really excited for what I have planned to come and hopefully it will motivate me to get out of the current state I'm in. It's going to be a space that hopefully will benefit someone, whether it's an opinion or an idea and I will strive for the uploads to be more frequent but as explained above with my health there may be some gaps between posts.

Thank you for reading and I hope you stick around!

Hannah Marie x

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